On Desperation

My wife is off shopping today with some of her friends. While this would've left me alone with the kids, my mother-in-law called to ask if the kids could play at her house and help her hang Christmas decorations.

Since this meant I could run errands unencumbered, I took her up on the offer.

So, we're in the market for a new ride and I used the free time to visit some local dealers. I made the mistake of stopping into one local dealer who is notorious for the 'hard sell, bad service' approach that gives car salespeople such a stunning reputation. Right up there with Injury Attorney.

Anyway, I was practically assaulted on the lot by the sales manager... The guy, literally, stepped in front of my van (forcing me to stomp on the brakes) to 'say hi' and offer any help. I swerved around him with a half hearted wave. I made the mistake of getting out of my car simply to check the price of a vehicle. Out of nowhere, an overly perky voice squealed over my should, "HI!"... I was trapped.

The bubbly young lady, Miranda, had closed me into the row of cars - standing between me and my chariot. She was wearing a sweater that fit in a manner which implied that she either:
1) Had no money to buy new clothes since she began 'blossoming'
or
2) Concluded that she was, in fact, selling more than just fine automotive products from the Chrylser motor company.

Remember, I live in New England and it was cold and windy today. People just don't walk around here partly clothed without an agenda or a supply chain issue.

As she stood shivering there, asking me if there was "was a deal she could make which would ensure I drove a car off the lot that day" I began to realize exactly how amusing this situation could be... I just needed a new perspective. I decided to make the most of the situation. My witty reply - "Well, I will be driving a car off the lot today..." Pausing to watch her eyes light up before adding - "I drove that van here, and I suppose it'll get me home!".

Miranda was not impressed.

To her credit, she politely asked at this point if she could give me her card in case I came back later. I agreed, suddenly guilty for my little quip at her expense. I walked into the showroom, grabbed the card, thanked her, and turned to leave.

If you thought the deperate part has happened in my story, you'd be wrong... But here it comes. As I'm halfway back to the van, a guy about my height and weight comes sprinting out after me hollering "WAIT!!! WAIT!!!".... Shocked at the sight of someone like myself running (and risking heart attack, stroke, or at least a nasty sprain), I paused and waited for him to arrive.

Sometime later - you know, catching your breath takes a long time - he managed to squeak out that he wanted to ask me if I was ok. Apparently, he informed me, Miranda just started and I was her first customer. He wanted to make sure I had gotten the service I expected. He went on to tell me that Miranda told him she was afraid she "*bleeped* up" with me.

Fascinating. Anyway, I assured the kindly, portly jogger that I was quite fine and well served by Miranda.

"Yeah, I know... She's easy on the eyes you know... Ain't she?" he added, slugging me in the arm.

Again, how nice. I thanked him for his concern and started (again) to return to my car. Before I could even take a step, the 300lb Carl Lewis grabbed my should and spun me around. At this point, I was about ready to slug someone...

"Hey listen... I'm glad you found out what you needed. But, if you do come back and need a car just ask for me instead (Todd)."

What about Miranda? She was helping me out, right?

"Well, oh... Well, see... I'll make sure that any commission I make on selling you a car gets split with her. But you can just deal with me alone and I'll take care of the money later."

And that, my friends is the living definition of 'classy' if ever I saw it. The funniest part?? I went across to a different lot run by the same dealership (to look at vans). As I was leaving guess who were departing together for a bite to eat - stopping to wave furiously and ask me how it was going? Yep.

"Todd offered to take me out to dinner and help me out since I'm new... Isn't that sweet??" gushed Miranda from the passenger seat.

Surely. A match made in heaven.