Dluxe's World

Thursday, January 19

Amused musings...

Bringing the lighter tone tonight. Gotta represent my artistic flexibility.

First off, it's a shame we don't discover our gifts earlier in life. I've been trying to write something that resembles song lyrics. I've (re)discovered that I am genuinely gifted at pulling together some very sophomoric lyrical schemes. For a single, frat-boy in college this is a true gift. For a 30ish dad o' two who works in IT, it just seems patheti-sad.

Item 2: My dad sent one of those "Have you ever thought about..." emails this evening. I normally don't even glance at these (no offense, Pops), but tonight I was feeling a little punchy so I crafted a witty reply. I'm posting my best retorts for your enjoyment.

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

So it doesn't spin off the passenger seat as you're driving it home... or while the delivery boy is racing to your house.

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

It has to do with the nuclear arms race and the fact that the US military would be a laughing stock if our soldiers 'wheeled' their packs along behind them...

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

It's so they can watch you try to put on/make sense outta that little, open-backed gown via some hidden camera. And laugh. A lot. After all, they step out for a lot longer than it takes to get that thing on... Takes a while to get their composure back.

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Wait. You don't??

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

What about the indecent people, you intolerant twit?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why
can't he fix a hole in a boat?

I hypothesize that the Prof never *wanted* to get off the island. I think he was trying to outlive Gilligan/Skipper (no hard test there), off Thurston Howell (the rich guy), marry his widow, outlive her (thus claiming her estate), and then buy the island to live in decadence with Ginger and Mary-Ann.

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?


Bah! Everyone knows it comes from morans.

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

No. They have the same harmonic structure and melodic sense of tension and release. However, the melodies are unique (though admittedly similar).

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?


I didn't. I did think about the royalties that someone would be able to claim if only they had copywritten those tunes.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,
but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

Did you ever consider that your breath prolly stinks? That would explain both phenomena.

3 Comments:

  • As usual, I am entertained by your ever-present combination of intelligence and wit. About the stinky-breath-in-the-dog's-face thing, I'd take that idea into consideration if most dogs didn't enjoy things like eating poop and smelling each other's butts.

    I love you!

    By Blogger Eva, at 8:24 AM, January 20, 2006  

  • You're just saying that 'cuz your my wife. But I'll take any compliments I can get, lately. *wink*

    By Blogger HeavyDluxe, at 9:08 AM, January 20, 2006  

  • why do they call it shampoo...

    Oh wait, you already heard that one...

    By Blogger paradigm shifter, at 9:35 AM, January 20, 2006  

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