WWWednesday BONUS!!!1!!!eleventy!

I've mentioned this ad in a couple conversations with people... It's real, and strange. So, I'm posting it here so you all realize I'm not crazy. For some reason, my memory of this ad was triggered a week or so ago. Since then, it's been in the front of my brain and I know I've alluded to it in a couple conversations.

So, without further ado:

Heebie Jeebies WWWednesday

1) Yes. I've got the Heebie Jeebies!!


2) On a related tangent, this video kinda gives me the heebie jeebies too! Super-slow-motion video of a girl blowing a raspberry...

3) According to this article, the stock market is tanking because of rising oil prices. Oil prices are rising because the stock market is tanking. At this rate, I suspect the stock market to bottom out tomorrow and oil to be $100,000,000,000/barrel.

4) All hail our eerie, four-legged, two-butted robot overlords!


4) Everyone loves magic, right?


5) And everyone loves Paul Anka and Nirvana, too!

Smackdown!

Almost on cue, Nathan over at Pulpit Blog has posted a clear, systematic debunking of the "Lost Tomb of Jesus".

Gotta love those guys!

Jumping on the bandwagon...

Well. The entire American media machine seems to be crankin' regarding the discovery* of the ossuary of Jesus of Nazareth** and his wife***, Mary Magdelene****.

Being without cable stinks on days like this, but thankfully our neighbors allowed us to crash in front of their tv set for a couple minutes. Three thoughts:

• It's a cash rush... Plain and simple, and masterful to tell the truth. Cameron and Jacobovici are picking a perfect apple to dangle in front of the post-DaVinci Code minds.
• I accept, categorically, that the 'Jesus' and 'Mary' DNA samples this film's staff analyzed are from unrelated people. Whoop-tee-doo. When you produce a third, control sample that will verify that the DNA in the ossuaries actually belongs to either the Jesus of Scripture or Mary Magdelene, I'll start weeping bitterly. In the meantime, pardon me for delaying the purchase of extra tissues.
• If I hear one more person say, "I'm not a statistician" and follow their comments with their opinions re: statistics, I'm going to go postal.

In short, nothing new to see here... Move along. If you're looking for more info, iMonk and Pulpit Blog seem to have the best running list of resources.

*Did I mention that someone actually dug these up 25 years ago? And that these Holy Land archaeologists thought that it was not worth pursuing?

**Jesus came from Nazareth. Why would his broke family have a middle-class burial tomb in Jerusalem?

***As stated over and over during the DaVinci code, there is no reputable historic source claiming marriage of Jesus and Mary.

****Actually the ossuary just says, "Mariamne", a greek (?) variation on Mary. Mary just happens to be the name of 20% of Jerusalem's female population at the time.

Whitefield for the Weekend [19]

[Y]ou may be convinced of your actual sins, so as to be made to tremble, and yet you may be strangers to Jesus Christ, you may have no true work of grace upon your hearts. Before ever, therefore, you can speak peace to your hearts, conviction must go deeper; you must not only be convinced of your actual transgressions against the law of God, but likewise of the foundation of all your transgressions. And what is that? I mean original sin, that original corruption each of us brings into the world with us, which renders us liable to God's wrath and damnation...

If we look inwardly, we shall see enough of lusts, and man's temper contrary to the temper of God. There is pride, malice, and revenge, in all our hearts; and this temper cannot come from God... When the sinner is first awakened, he begins to wonder — How came I to be so wicked? The Spirit of God then strikes in, and shows that he has no good thing in him by nature; then he sees that he is altogether gone out of the way, that he is altogether become abominable, and the poor creature is made to live down at the foot of the throne of God, and to acknowledge that God would be just to damn him, just to cut him off, [even if] he never had committed one actual sin in his life.

Did you ever feel and experience this, any of you — to justify God in your damnation — to own that you are by nature children of wrath, and that God may justly cut you off, though you never actually had offended him in all your life? If you were ever truly convicted, if your hearts were ever truly cut, if self were truly taken out of you, you would be made to see and feel this. And if you have never felt the weight of original sin, do not call yourselves Christians. I am verily persuaded original sin is the greatest burden of a true convert; this ever grieves the regenerate soul, the sanctified soul.

The indwelling of sin in the heart is the burden of a converted person; it is the burden of a true Christian. He continually cries out, “O! who will deliver me from this body of death,' this indwelling corruption in my heart? ... [I]f you never felt this inward corruption, if you never saw that God might justly curse you for it, indeed, my dear friends, you may speak peace to your hearts, but I fear, nay, I know, there is no true peace.

George Whitefield, The Method of Grace

Catechism Links

It's fitting that I actually do something useful with this blog (for the first time) in honor of my 200th post.

In our ABF, we've previously discussed the value of catechisms and confessions for believers. The modern church has largely cast aside such things as relics of a 'high-church' past. However, I think that such summaries of the faith have a huge benefit if we'd use them well! Such distillations of Biblical truth can be great for our personal devotions and for family worship.

I pulled this list together for one of my friends, so I thought I'd post it here in case anyone else is interested.

1. The London Baptist Confession (Full text Online or Print)
While the Westminster Confession - discussed below - is the grandest of all the confessions, it has a decidedly Presbyterian bent to it. While this is certainly not terrible, it does mean that I personally can't affirm some of their ideas re: baptism and the church.

So, I offer the London Baptist Confession first in my list. It's really the Westminster with the more distinctly Presby spots overstruck with solid "Babdist" truth. There have also been a couple modernizations of the LBC I'd highly reccommend:

• A Baptist Catechism (by John Piper). This document represents a slight update of the LBC with some helpful comments on each question by Piper.
• A Puritan Catechism (by Charles Spurgeon). Spurgeon also edited the LBC (at age 21!!!) for his congregation at New Park Street.

2. The Wesminster Confession of Faith (Full Text Online or Print)
The mack-daddy of them all... The WCF was published in 1647 after four years of study/effort by the Westminster Divines. Almost all of the confessional language we'd recognize in the modern church comes from the Westminster. The Confession is the 'full' statement of faith as distilled from Scripture by the assembly. That confession gave birth to the following:

• The Westminster Larger Catechism (approved in 1648) is the full, Q&A presentation of the essentials of the Westminster Confession. It is indeed large, but beautifully written and thorough.
• The Westminster Shorter Catechism represents the essential, distilled substance of the Larger Catechism/Confession. If you're looking a Westminster to start your family on, this might be it.
• A Children's Catechism is a simplified document based on the Westminster and geared specifically for families seeking to start catechizing their children. I can't find any specific info on the date/source for this, though I know it's relatively recent (1970s?). If you have info, post it in the comments please!

3. The Heidelberg Catechism (Full Text Online or Print)
I love the Heidelberg Catechism... Pre-dating the Westminster by nearly 80 years, it was helpfully divided into 52 sections, one for each Sabbath day during a year. Aside from making this ideal for family devotions, the Heidelberg has been pulpit fodder for more than a few Reformed pastors. It's also written in a exceedingly warm and pastoral way...

So, I commend these to your reading and study... May God use these great truths, 'by His Holy Spirit, [to] assure us of eternal life, and make us sincerely willing and ready, henceforth, to live unto him.' (The Heidelberg, Question 1)

Whitefield for the Weekend [18]

[The first caution is], that I take it for granted you believe religion to be an inward thing; you believe it to be a work in the heart, a work wrought in the soul by the power of the Spirit of God. If you do not believe this, you do not believe your Bibles. If you do not believe this, though you have got your Bibles in your hand, you hate the Lord Jesus Christ in your heart; for religion is everywhere represented in Scripture as the work of God in the heart... I would further premise a caution, that I would by no means confine God to one way of acting. I would by no means say, that all persons, before they come to have a settled peace in their hearts, are obliged to undergo the same degrees of conviction. No; God has various ways of bringing his children home; his sacred Spirit bloweth when, and where, and how it listeth. But, however, I will venture to affirm this, that before ever you can speak peace to your heart, whether by shorter or longer continuance of your convictions, whether in a more pungent or in a more gentle way, you must undergo what I shall hereafter lay down in the following discourse.

First, then, before you can speak peace to your hearts, you must be made to see, made to feel, made to weep over, made to bewail, your actual transgressions against the law of God. [I]f one evil thought, if one evil word, if one evil action, deserves eternal damnation, how many hells, my friends, do every one of us deserve, whose whole lives have been one continued rebellion against God! Before ever, therefore, you can speak peace to your hearts, you must be brought to see, brought to believe, what a dreadful thing it is to depart from the living God.

And now, my dear friends, examine your hearts, for I hope you came hither with a design to have your souls made better... Was ever the remembrance of your sins grievous to you? Was the burden of your sins intolerable to your thoughts? Did you ever see that God's wrath might justly fall upon you, on account of your actual transgressions against God? Were you ever in all your life sorry for your sins? Could you ever say, My sins are gone over my head as a burden too heavy for me to bear? Did you ever experience any such thing as this? Did ever any such thing as this pass between God and your soul? If not, for Jesus Christ's sake, do not call yourselves Christians; you may speak peace to your hearts, but there is no peace. May the Lord awaken you, may the Lord convert you, may the Lord give you peace, if it be his will, before you go home!

George Whitfield, The Method of Grace

SnoWWWednesday

Well if predictions are true, my section of Vermont will find itself beneath 6 to apocalypse inches of snow by the end of the day. So, I'm taking a Snow Day and working from home.

1) Snow Day was probably one of the dumbest movies ever.

2) On snow days, these cows in Cornish (UK) are probably the warmest in the world.

3) Proud Parents: Your math-wiz kid finds an error in a travelling museum exhibit. Sad Parents: The resulting publicity exponentially increases the number of wedgies said child receives at school.

4) One of Kinko's founding partners dies in early February. A nation and a million college students mourn.

4) One of Kinko's founding partners dies in early February. A nation and a million college students mourn.

4) One of Kinko's founding partners dies in early February. A nation and a million college students mourn.

Back to work!

... 6th of the 28th stages of metageneration ...

Tim Challies wasn't sure what to make of this. It made me giggle.

Whitefield for the Weekend [17]

As God can send a nation or people no greater blessing than to give them faithful, sincere, and upright ministers, so the greatest curse that God can possibly send upon a people in this world, is to give them over to blind, unregenerate, carnal, lukewarm, and unskilled guides. And yet, in all ages, we find that there have been many wolves in sheep's clothing, many that daubed with untempered mortar, that prophesied smoother things than God did allow.

[I]n the words of the text, in a more special manner, he exemplifies how they had dealt falsely, how they had behaved treacherously to poor souls: says he, ‘They have healed also the hurt of the daughter of my people slightly, saying, Peace, peace, when there is no peace.’ The prophet, in the name of God, had been denouncing war against the people, he had been telling them that their house should be left desolate, and that the Lord would certainly visit the land with war... The prophet gives a thundering message, that they might be terrified and have some convictions and inclinations to repent; but it seems that the false prophets, the false priests, went about stifling people's convictions, and when they were hurt or a little terrified, they were for daubing over the wound, telling them that Jeremiah was but an enthusiastic preacher, that there could be no such thing as war among them, and saying to people, Peace, peace, be still, when the prophet told them there was no peace.

And, indeed, people generally love to have it so; our hearts are exceedingly deceitful, and desperately wicked; none but the eternal God knows how treacherous they are... And, therefore, people from time to time must be taught how far they must go, and what must be wrought in them, before they can speak peace to their hearts. This is what I design at present, that I may deliver my soul, that I may be free from the blood of those to whom I preach — that I may not fail to declare the whole counsel of God.

George Whitefield, The Method of Grace

Imagine... without John Lennon.

How often do I work to meet someone's felt, physical needs, while neglecting the far weightier matter of their need for Christ?

How often do I sit comfortably in my home or church and not marvel at the blessings I've been given?

How often do I shrink from my faith around the water cooler because I don't want to be disliked?

What about you?

Short and Sweet WWWednesday

I am committed to bringing this blog back from the mostly-dead. But it's not going to happen today. Soon, though... Soon, my once plentiful readers, you will hear the siren song beckoning you back to the fresh-contenty goodness of my blog.

But not today.

1) What is the Muptrix?

2) The opening line is a classic: "She was the Robochick. He was Billy-O. According to police, her obsession with him led her to drive 900 miles from Houston to Orlando, bringing with her a trenchcoat and wig, armed with a BB gun and pepper spray, and wearing a diaper to avoid bathroom breaks on the arduous drive." Then it gets weird.

3) Helpful note: Running around barefoot in the snow on a -18 degree day is not smart. Even if it is Super Bowl Sunday. As an aside, what kinda screwed up family tradition is that?

4) There's a whole new way to see the Grand Canyon that will totally freak you out.

5) When riding the bus, make absolutely certain you're on the right one. And knowledge of the languages in neighboring areas doesn't hurt.

6) There are few places where a Waffle House would not be welcome, IMO. It's nice to see the University of Georgia students agree.

7) Finally, some video goodness. T-$ mentioned the Chad Vader saga to me a week or so ago. I thought I had blogged the first couple episodes months ago. But just in case I hadn't, here's Episode 1. Not kid safe language!

Check out the whole saga to date over on Blame Society's website.

Desiring God Pastors Conference

For all my like minded peeps:

Desiring God is burning up the joint by posting the audio from all the messages at this year's Pastors Conference. For free. And seemingly online within moments of the end of the speech.

The Conference page is here, and the audio can be accessed via the new DG Blog.

Whitefield for the Weekend [16]

[The 'Almost Christians'] choose just so much of religion as will disturb them in their lusts, and follow their lusts so far as to deprive themselves of the comforts of religion. Whereas on the contrary, would they sincerely leave all in affection, and give their hearts wholly to God, they would then (and they cannot till then) experience the unspeakable pleasure of having a mind at unity with itself, and enjoy such a peace of God, which even in this life passes all understanding, and which they were entire strangers to before.

It is true, if we will devote ourselves entirely to God, we must meet with contempt; but then it is because contempt is necessary to heal our pride. We must renounce some sensual pleasures, but then it is because those unfit us for spiritual ones, which are infinitely better. We must renounce the love of the world; but then it is that we may be filled with the love of God<...

Let me therefore, to conclude, exhort you, my brethren, to have always before you the unspeakable happiness of enjoying God. And think withal, that every degree of holiness you neglect, every act of piety you omit, is a jewel taken out of your crown, a degree of blessedness lost in the vision of God. O! do but always think and act thus, and you will no longer be laboring to compound matters between God and the world; but, on the contrary, be daily endeavoring to give up yourselves more and more unto him ... in whose presence there is fullness of joy, and at whose right-hand there are pleasures for ever more. Amen! Amen!

George Whitefield, The Almost Christian

Yes, I know...

... that there wasn't a WWWednesday post yesterday. Sorry about that. I'll try harder.

In general, I apologize for the wasteland that this blog has become. Things in Dluxe's World have just gone a little haywire lately.

Anyway, checka this out in the meantime to hold you over: